A Book That Shifted My Perspective As a Therapist: Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff, Ph.D.

As a therapist, it’s a given that a huge component of your work is helping your clients raise their self-esteem. Right? After reading Kristin Neff’s book on the power of self-compassion and its relationship to self-esteem, my framework for understanding self-esteem expanded and evolved.

If you’re anything like most of the clients I’ve worked with, you are quick to feel compassion and empathy for other people’s struggles. Yet, when it’s you who is struggling, you feel frustrated, ashamed, or angry at yourself. Anxiety and depression are often fueled by a harsh inner critic. Neff’s research shows that practicing self-compassion leads to happiness and peace more effectively than pursuing high self-esteem does.

 Neff writes that “unlike self-esteem, the good feelings of self-compassion do not depend on being special and above average, or on meeting ideal goals. Instead, they come from caring about ourselves – fragile and imperfect yet magnificent as we are…When the fickle fancy of self-esteem deserts us, the all-encompassing embrace of self-compassion is there, patiently waiting.”

 Her research also shows that having high levels of self-compassion actually correlates with having higher self-esteem. Growing your self-compassion is truly a win-win situation. By embracing your humanness, and giving yourself the same grace you give to other people, you establish a firmer, healthier foundation from which to pursue your goals.